A recent study published in Sociological Perspectives revealed the reasons behind casual hookups for both men and women are strikingly similar. Researchers at Oakland University interviewed a random sample of 700 men and women between the ages of 18 and 22. Among the 36 percent who had casual sex over the last two years, the top two reasons for both sexes were, “Because I was horny,” and, “I thought it would be fun.”

Their reasons for casual hookups were also the same: Both sexes were equally motivated by drinking/drugs and being too young to be tied down. Very few men and women said they wanted to become an item with the person they hooked up with, and the percentages between those that did were neck and neck (34 percent of women and 28 percent of men).

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This study is one of several that’s been cropping up over the years: A 2008 study of 500 undergrads found the numbers behind why women and men hook up to be practically identical. Sexual pleasure was chosen by 90 percent of participants, while 50 percent of both men and women said they hooked up for emotional gratification or to start a relationship.

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Another study out this year found male and female college students were neck and neck when it came to their motives behind hooking up. They didn’t differ in how much they were driven by positive (fun, exploration, experience) or negative (peer pressure, relationship hopes, material gain) motives — and for both sexes, the good motives outweighed the bad.

Now, the million-dollar question: How many of us are going to hand this study out like we’re on the campaign trail? Or leave it on our pillow for the-guy-formerly-known-as-our-fling to read after we’ve gone home the next morning?

In my experience, it’s never seemed to matter how upfront I’ve been with the guy before or after the fact — the “bunny boiler” stigma stayed in the air. I couldn’t even include them in a forward (you know, back when forwarding was cool) without them thinking I wanted to get married. Before leaving the scene of the crime, I once asked the guy to skip the awkward, post-hookup bulls*** so we could just move on with our lives. I was so relieved when he agreed… until you know, I moved on and he didn’t. Hopeless.

The stereotypes go both ways: Just like it’s assumed we’re going to want more from our hookups, it’s assumed men won’t. A new Zoosk survey of 3,300 people kiboshed that theory when they discovered men are quicker to push relationship milestones than women (like making it official, saying “I love you,” planning a vacation and suggesting to move in together). Sidenote: We’ll have to write a follow-up on where to find these precious unicorns, am I right ladies?

Let’s hope this means these stereotypes can finally hit the road — they’ve been putting a damper on our mojo for far too long. I look forward to the day when I can talk openly about my Chandler Bing-sized commitment issues and (for once) have the guy I’m hooking up with believe me. In the meantime, I’ll be on the campaign trail.

More dating tips

Dating: It’s friggin expensive
Facebook just broke into online dating with a “flirt” button
Think he’s The One? Check his spit first

This article was co-authored by Candice Mostisser and by wikiHow staff writer, Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA. Candice Mostisser is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingman/wingwoman services, 1-on-1 coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. She specializes in coaching others on best practices and strategies to succeed on first dates and in the online dating world.
There are 11 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 1,272,152 times.

Hooking up with a girl can be fun for both you and her, as long as you're both into it. If you're feeling bold, flirt with girls you meet in person to see if they're interested in a casual hookup. Alternatively, connect with girls through dating apps so you can flirt with multiple girls at once. When you've found a girl who seems to be interested, invite her to meet up in private for a potential hook-up.

Steps

Method 1 of 3:

Flirting with Girls in Person

1. 1
   Make eye contact and smile at a girl you like to get her attention. When you see a girl who interests you, look her in the eyes and hold her gaze for 2-3 seconds. While you’re making eye contact, flash her a big grin to let her know you’re interested in her.^[1]

   • Say something like, “Hey, I couldn’t help but notice you from across the room,” “Hi! Can I get your advice on what to order?” or “Hey, I'm Todd. How's it going?”
   • If a girl isn’t looking at you or seems uninterested in talking, she’s probably not going to want to hookup with you. It’s best to start looking for someone else who might be more into it.
2. 3
   Touch her lightly on her arm, shoulder, or back while talking to her. Touching is a great way to flirt. As you talk to her, make first contact by touching her forearm or shoulder. If she seems comfortable with the touch, try touching her again.^[3]

   • If she pulls away, it’s likely that she’s not interested in sex at the moment. That’s totally okay! Say something like, “It’s been great getting to know you, but I need to get back to my friend,” or “It was nice meeting you, but I’ll let you get back to your night.” Then, start looking for another girl.
3. 4
   Watch for signs she may be interested in you. Notice if she's smiling a lot and has nervous body language, such as fidgeting, shifting around, and twirling her hair. Additionally, consider how often she touches you, like brushing your arm or leaning against you. If she's into you, she'll likely act giddy and will probably find reasons to touch you.^[5]

   • If she's acting nervous and she's frowning, it's more likely that she's not interested. It's best to give her space and focus on finding someone else.
4. 5
   Be yourself when you’re talking to her. You really want to impress this girl, so it’s understandable that you’d want to use a pick-up line or pretend to be someone you’re not. However, most girls find this to be a big turn-off. You’re more likely to find a girl who’s interested in having sex with you if you let her get to know you. Just talk to her about you’re interests and what you’re doing with your life.^[7]

   • You might ask questions like, “What do you do in your free time?” “What are your career goals?” or “What bands are you listening to now?”
5. 7
   Compliment her appearance so she feels good about herself. Girls are more interested in sex when they’re feeling confident about their looks. Additionally, giving compliments shows a girl you’re interested in her.^[9]

   • Say something like, “You have a really beautiful smile,” or “You look stunning in this dress.”

   Warning: Stick to 1 or 2 compliments. If you shower her with compliments, she’ll likely get uncomfortable and pull away from you.

6. 8
   Wait until she feels comfortable before bringing up sex. You might have sex on your mind, but it’s best to keep that to yourself. Talking about sex too early in a conversation is usually a big turn off. Keep your conversation casual until she’s talking freely and seems comfortable with you.^[11]
7. 10
   Don't get pushy if she's not interested. You may be tempted to keep flirting with her in the hopes that she'll change her mind, but it's important to respect her wishes. If she is pulling away from you, tells you she's not interested in something casual, or directly tells you to leave her alone, stop pursuing her and turn your attention to someone else. Otherwise, she may feel like you're harassing her.^[14]
8. 11
   Tell her that you’d like to be alone with her. When you’re sure things are going well, it’s time to bring up the idea of a hookup. The best way to do this is to suggest you go somewhere you can be alone. This will signal to her that you’re interested in things getting more physical. If she’s interested, she’ll likely agree to go somewhere you can be alone.^[15]

   • Bumble
   • Happn
   • Feeld
9. 2
   Post 3-5 photos of yourself so she sees what you look like. Pick photos that show your best side but accurately reflect how you look. Include a headshot, full body pic, and 1-3 candid shots that show off your personality. This increases your chances of getting a girl’s attention.^[17]

   • You might write, “I’m a dog lover who spends his day behind a computer. Right now I’m all about adventure,” or “When I’m not fixing cars, I’m flexing my cooking skills. I love animals and welcome pics of your pets.”
10. 4
    Tell her directly that you're only interested in a causal hook-up. If a girl is interested in a relationship, she might assume that you are, as well. Be honest about what you're looking for before you get too far into the conversation. Explain that you're only interested in a hook-up so she knows what to expect.^[19]
11. 5
    Ask the girl what she wants from a meet up. It’s important to be honest about your intentions before you hook up with someone. Most likely, you’ll match with girls who are interested in casual sex. However, you’ll likely “meet” some girls who are hoping for a relationship. Focus your attention on girls who want the same things as you.^[20]

    • Say something like, “I noticed you have a cocker spaniel. Was Lady and the Tramp your favorite movie growing up?” or “You seem like a world traveler. Which destination was your favorite?”

    Variation: Send her a gif to get her attention. A funny gif is more likely to get a response than a message.

12. 7
    Exchange at least 10-15 messages so she feels comfortable. It’s always scary meeting someone through an app. Help her feel more comfortable by learning more about her and sharing information about yourself. Make sure you’ve exchanged at least 10 messages before you ask her out.^[22]

    • Text her something like, “Want to get a drink tonight?” or “Why don’t we grab coffee tomorrow after work?”
    • Keep in mind that she may want to have a pre-hook up meeting to see if you have chemistry.

Method 3 of 3:

Being Intimate with Her

1. 1
   Take the girl somewhere safe and private so you can be intimate. Talk to the girl about where she feels comfortable going. Choose a location where the girl will likely feel comfortable, such as your home or a hotel room. Make sure you'll be alone and uninterrupted while you're hooking up.^[24]
2. 2
   Check in with her to make sure she’s consenting to sexual activity. Consent is essential when you’re hooking up. Don’t assume that she wants to have sex just because she agrees to be alone with you. Pay attention to her words and body language to see if she’s into it. When in doubt, ask her directly if she wants to have sex.^[25]